That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.