3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
this will be a night to untag.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How does it feel to date your dad?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.