I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
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He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
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It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??