You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We talked him into tasing himself.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.