guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?