You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
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Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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