Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
