do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
