i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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