I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
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He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
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Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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