I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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