Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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