Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We have started to decorate penises.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize