Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
