Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
