I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize