Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
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Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
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Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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