I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
