Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
