I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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