His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
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Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
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Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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