While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
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I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
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My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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