eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
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Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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