I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
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After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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