So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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