I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Best friends brother. Beat that.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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