It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
