in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
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Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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