There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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