she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
send nudes
from the living room?
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