He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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