there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize