you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
