Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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