its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
