No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
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Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?