I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.