he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial