I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
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I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
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You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions