Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Shut the hell up.

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  (970): Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude (1-970): You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ? (970): Shut the hell up. http://tfl.nu/g01x
  Replies (38) Good night (829) Bad night (1916)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.

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  (440): oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet. http://tfl.nu/d9ji
  Replies (18) Good night (6059) Bad night (582)
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  (760): View more from California

  I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night

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  (760): I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night http://tfl.nu/kc6c
  Replies (14) Good night (4005) Bad night (615)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant

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  (519): wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant http://tfl.nu/7q0r
  Replies (191) Good night (820) Bad night (11803)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  did we at least go back and get it?

  (208): View more from Idaho

  how else do you think we got jack in the box...?

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  (208): you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too. (1-208): did we at least go back and get it? (208): how else do you think we got jack in the box...? http://tfl.nu/t8wq
  Replies (21) Good night (6500) Bad night (897)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.

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  (973): he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade. http://tfl.nu/270g
  Replies (20) Good night (1523) Bad night (5512)
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  (914): View more from New York

  she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"

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  (914): she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it" http://tfl.nu/fy2z
  Replies (41) Good night (13822) Bad night (1489)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text

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  (503): i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text http://tfl.nu/7lw4
  Replies (5) Good night (4822) Bad night (875)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  That's why there are breakfast margaritas.

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  (206): That's why there are breakfast margaritas. http://tfl.nu/dzi9
  Replies (3) Good night (3223) Bad night (845)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.

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  (309): with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone. http://tfl.nu/1pr2
  Replies (9) Good night (4123) Bad night (748)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.

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  (412): I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight. http://tfl.nu/4uel
  Replies (7) Good night (2545) Bad night (752)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?

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  (785): Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there? http://tfl.nu/sg5o
  Replies (2) Good night (2603) Bad night (714)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses

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  (780): Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses http://tfl.nu/pn1w
  Replies (24) Good night (2046) Bad night (655)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!

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  (812): New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!! http://tfl.nu/n65x
  Replies (4) Good night (1147) Bad night (493)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Won't she run out of nose eventually?

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  (254): She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually? (512): Won't she run out of nose eventually? http://tfl.nu/f0dc
  Replies (3) Good night (508) Bad night (559)

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