ADVERTISEMENT

• (417): View more from Missouri

  No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.

  Fav 6 1606 697

  share tweet
  

• (727): View more from Florida

  she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?

  Fav 39 7214 891

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (315): View more from New York

  careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....

  Fav 10 6685 1782

  share tweet
  

• (310): View more from California

  The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.

  Fav 19 6137 2023

  share tweet
  
• 

  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.

  Fav 6 1693 810

  share tweet
  

• (279): View more from

  Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?

  (574): View more from Indiana

  You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you

  Fav 14 4889 1509

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (619): View more from California

  Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.

  Fav 9 3064 830

  share tweet
  

• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  Ooooh. Get funfetti

  Fav 7 3123 984

  share tweet
  

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.

  Fav 6 2113 672

  share tweet
  
• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (602): View more from Arizona

  This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?

  Fav 17 2067 1250

  share tweet
  

• (419): View more from Ohio

  You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.

  Fav 5 1364 707

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (850): View more from Florida

  He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.

  Fav 7 1015 1262

  share tweet
  

• (804): View more from Virginia

  The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.

  Fav 6 1171 560

  share tweet
  

• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room

  Fav 1 648 803

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (573): View more from Missouri

  Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?

  Fav 0 693 480

  share tweet
  

Randomize