thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
