my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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