i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.