Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit