you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
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As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
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That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW