Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
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Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
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We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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