dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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