Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
