I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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