the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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