update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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