i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
