Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
