Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
