You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
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Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
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It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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