first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.