You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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