They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
