So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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