he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far