I just saw a hot homeless man
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
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We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
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And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
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He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder