Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.