WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
