We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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